Now is not the time for me to reassess my life. Maybe for some people a worldwide pandemic where you are locked into your house with a partner you stopped loving and started hating 6 years ago is a perfect time to say, “Time for a change.” However, for me, quarantine is no time to ask the big questions.
And why is that? Well, thanks for asking. For one, I have been alone since March 13th and it is now March 29th and no one can safely enter my apartment until April 5th because I got a fever and I don’t want to get anyone sick. Did I have Covid-19? Who the hell knows. But I want to be as careful as possible with the lives of those around me so hello darkness, my old friend, you are stuck with me for one more week.
I am looking at 3 weeks alone with only my neurosis and whoever is kind enough to have a virtual drink with me to keep me company. Upside, I finally figured out how to knit! Downside? Pretty much everything else. But that is okay. As bad as this is, it still isn’t as bad as when my mom died and my dad came to live with me and my husband disappeared in an affair and Older Son was broken hearted and we all started to realize Six’s relentless energy was actually more than just a toddler’s naturally high spirits.
So, what can a person do in their apartment by themselves for 3 weeks that doesn’t descend into The Yellow Wallpaper territory?
I’ve already watched Fleabag and Schitt’s Creek. I’m so anxious I’m having trouble reading which is a huge loss since I have spent one third of my life asleep and one third of my life reading so I don’t really know what to do with myself.
I don’t want to waste food resources baking or experimenting with recipes and I’m getting tired of lying on my bed staring out the window (which is one of my favorite pastimes). There is no baseball to lull me to sleep and I don’t have a subscription to ESPN Classics. Think how relieved all those sign stealing cheaters feel now that COVID-19 has distracted most of the public from what they did. I remember, but I don’t count.
I’m watching how much I drink because I do not need to battle an addiction right now but I am telling you, if this drags into more than 3 months I am starting to smoke again. There is only so much one human can take.
I would sew masks but I had a fever and if I am shedding the virus that isn’t going to help anyone. (I finally got better and sewed about 50 masks for my friends and family.)
So. What is left?
I do not engage in endurance sports but like many people, I engage in endurance living. I just dig in, put my head down and see if I can outlast this latest storm. Sometimes life feels like one endless game of truth or dare where truth isn’t an option and each dare gets harder and harder.
My dear fellow humans, I miss you and I have the personality of a bridge troll so that is saying something. When this is all over, and it will be over eventually, I hope I never take the simple pleasure of being irritated with my fellow humans for granted ever again. The only person here to get irritated with is me and I am used to all my bad habits so there’s not much to get annoyed with.
I ask myself, what will I do when I can go out among humans again? Hug strangers? Coo over tiny babies? Race to my closest bar to get both drunk and…ahem…engage in activities between consenting adults?
Who knows? I don’t. But I can’t wait!